Market Humor: Stock Investing Terms Revisited
In the current economy, and with all sorts of worries about the stock market, some people have begun saying that the old rules and the old definitions don’t apply. I say that the age-old rules of solid fundamentals, carefully chosen stocks and regular returns still do apply. Nonetheless, with nothing seeming to work to pull the stock market out of its fund, it is no surprise that there are some definite changes to the way people view the stock market. Here’s my example, using credit derivatives:
Old definition: Surefire way to make insane profits. Don’t ask how, just invest.
New definition: Toxic “assets”. How could all those people have been so stupid?
My Simple Trading System has re-worked some of the common stock investing and market terms we hear to reflect the general cynicism prevailing amongst investors:
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
